Where are these vibrations coming from? There are so many negative things I want to blurt out right now. I got so much shit on my mind. I really hate feeling this way. I wish I could blame it on booze, but I'm sober as Sunday morning right now. Yeah, St Patty's Day, 1am...and I'm not shitfaced. Go figure. I was at my usual watering hole this evening and decided to venture downtown as I was bored. When I got there, I wondered around a bit and weighing heavy on my mind is one major thought....I don't feel like I belong there anymore. I don't feel like communicating with anyone. I'm on some kind of different level. A different wavelength. I'm definitely not thinking clearly. I need to get back to the basics. Have you seen that movie "Into the wild"? Kind of like that, but figuratively, not literally. Shit, who wants to die in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness? Not me. Anyway, I digress.
I know what'll fix this..a day at the beach. Always does..
On another note, I was thinking about my Grandfather today. I miss that old man. I have unconditional love for a few select people, but I miss knowing it was reciprocated. Knowing that he loved me no matter what. I was safe sitting next to him. He was proud of his little grandson. He was a good man. I was given his name.............Am I fucking it up?
With love,
C
I have to agree that a day at the beach usually did that for me, too. However, now that I'm out in the country, I have to settle for the dock on the pond. It still works!
ReplyDeleteAnything specific bring it on or was it just building up?
Ahhh, I love you because you know the quickest way to get right with the world is just a few miles east.
ReplyDeleteMy Dad totally has a man-crush on you. He asks about you all the time and think you are too hilarious :o)
Nope. Not fucking it up. My three beautiful, clever, strong, sweet girls have only one man left in their life worth being 'the man'. Uncle Chuck. a/k/a Charles a/k/a Charlie (to me) a/k/a Chuck. But to my babies, Uncle Chuck, respectfully, forever and always. Anyway Brother, Papa, your namesake, was my whole life before he passed. This man never met a stranger, never turned someone away for needing his help, even if it was his last potato or last nickel. This man cared for everyone equally. EVERYONE. No matter their age, sex, race, etc. He saw the deepest-down-in-the-gut of a persons 'character'. What we are all meant to realize in this world.....the heart of a person.....looking in their eyes, and knowing a connection....came naturally to him. And so many people never get it, never care, or never have someone love them enough to know that it's just that simple. Sweetheart, in the realm of the memories of our Papa, you have not failed the name. Or the Man. Or yourself. I love that you are digging. I am standing on the side with the wheel-barrow to carry the unnecessary dirt away, okay? Shovel at your own pace......I got your back. I love you.
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